Happy Valentine's Day

Since Sunday is that damn day and I can't seem to skip it. I decided to ask and answer some questions about LOVE.

• What is my definition of love?

My definition is as simple as the famous bible verse 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Love is patient and kind. It is understanding, peaceful, and calm. Love is not ego, but is the truth and it protects and perseveres. Love never fails, it is always and as constant as the seas.

• What is my favorite memory of feeling loved?

I was in college and my then boyfriend threw me a surprise birthday party. He arranged for my friends from other universities to come in and hang. I had no idea. I walked into his apartment with half the black people on campus yelling happy birthday.  It was so lit and that moment has made me celebrate my birthday every year since. 

My best memory of platonic love was when I had a guy break my heart and I was in pieces. I couldn't move. My girl game came over with my favorite candy, some wine, and while she cleaned my apartment of all the wet tissues, she had me soak in a long bath. It was just the most loving act with no judgment.

• What is my love language? 

Quality Time and Gifts

• How do I love myself?

I love me. If no one else loves me, I will love myself. I can't say I always did but, I do now. I have learned to love to spend time quality time with myself. Before the pandemic, I loved to take myself for a walk, to drink at a neighborhood bar, or to get dressed up take myself to dinner or to nice lounge. Every morning, I listen to a podcast, and after my shower spend 30 minutes in the morning just rubbing in my lotion, letting myself know I love every part of me. Every evening, I recite affirmations while I do my skincare routine. I also love online shopping, somedays I need to love my credit card less...

• How do I know when I love someone?

I can't stop thinking about them. I worry have they eaten, gotten home okay. I check on them constantly. I am a person who loves their own space but when I love someone I genuinely miss them and want them all up in my space.

• What are my conditions for love?

Respect. Emotional maturity. Effective Communication. Peace. Dependability. Consistency. Loyalty. Hilarity. Financial Maturity. I can love people and not like them and choose to distance myself to preserve my own self love. 

• Do I fall in love easily?

Yes, very easily but I also fall out of love just an easily. You really have to step it up to keep my attention.

• Is my love infinite? 

Absolutely not. My love has terms and conditions. LOL If you aren't living right you can't have my love. 

• Do I believe in love at first sight?

I didn't, but two of my good friends found the loves of their lives at first sight and their love made me believe.  There are people I have known my whole life who won't love me the way I want/need and I realize I could meet someone tomorrow who will love me in ways I never knew existed.

• Do I always operate in love?

No, but I am a work in progress. If I demand love, I am learning to give love just as frequently. I am learning to be more peaceful, kind, and calm with those I have in my circle. I used to think love had to be this raw passion and if we weren't actively burning for each other then it was not love. I also tended to shut down with those that didn't actively love me the way I wanted, even if I had a hard time expressing it. As i have grown, I realize there are more important aspect to love outside of passion, what they do for me and sexual compatibility. Do we like each other? Are we each other's peace? Are you dependable, loyal, and do you protect me? Are we emotionally competent and we will not use each other as emotional crutches? I think that's much more important. 

• Does love have to be reciprocal in degree and intensity in romantic relationships?

Yes. Isn't the rule he should love you just a little bit more than you do. I don't necessarily follow that rule however, I've been the only one in love and that was the most painful relationship ever. I kept trying to do more to get them to love me half as much as I loved them, and I broke myself. If the love isn't at least even it won't work. Both need on the same page or at least agreed to be working towards the same goal. 

• Does true love only happen once?

Definitely not. I have been lucky to have been in amazing loves quite a few times. I don't think God is done with me yet. I am hopeful my next love is out there and it will be outstanding.

• Do your examples of love growing up effect how you love your partner?

I didn't see examples of romantic love until I was much older so I didn't know what was required to have a successful relationship. But through prayer, trial and error, and counseling, I think I have the tools I need to give love and receive love that I want.

• Is love a gift or a curse?

Depends on if I'm just in or out of something LOL. I joke, love is an amazing gift so long as the people are not toxic. 

• Can you love a stranger?

See my answer for love at first sight. Definitely. There are different types of love, and I could meet someone tomorrow who adds to my life in ways I never knew. 

• Have you experienced black love? Is it important to continue?

Yes, all the romantic love that I have experienced has been Black Love. There is something about loving someone who gets my worldly struggles. Everyday is such a fight against oppression, police, Corporate America and with someone else Black I can just be and not have to explain myself. It's something about carving out some peace in my little corner of the world. It's not to say other types of love aren't grand most of friends are in interracial relationships, however they never worked for me.

Lastly, What does being loved by Krysty feel like?

I had to ask my non-toxic exes and friends for this answer. One said open, honest, and caring but I can be questioning. One said laughter with a few knife stabs when they are fucking up. One said bottled up sunshine at the beach, but you can get sunburned if you are not careful. One said wonderful experience where I pushed him to make himself better, but I have stubborn moments. One said all the home cooked meals, eating together, lots of passion for life and sex but if I am not cared for I can be spiteful. One said my love comes in waves, that most days I can be giving and full-on and other days closed off, either way it is honest.

What have I learned about myself from this exercise?

I have a lot of walls up and I wear my heart on my sleeve and if someone bruises that sleeve, I tend to bruise them (not actually) LOL. I need to learn to give the love I want to receive even if that means I get hurt. I am proud that I am now loving myself the way I used to demand others to love me. Love should be unconditional!  Love is not just when the person does what I like. If right now my love comes with Terms and Conditions, then other people I deal with also have a right to have their own Terms and Conditions.  In other words, I have to learn to respect my boundaries and other people's boundaries just as much as my own. I am still learning, still capable of loving and I am actively finding my happy.

 I hope I provided you with some different insights on LOVE 

and last but not least, 

Happy Valentine's Day!