Never Again

I don't usually do this but uh... let's give a little reminder of how much I have grown. I once had the worst date on the planet. Looking back, I can't believe the situations I used to allow myself to be subjected to. I see now the date itself never had to happen had I just asked with a few more questions and maybe done a little background dig.  My reflection are in blue...

Here is the story of my worst date ever... this one takes the cake by far. Let's see what I could have done differently...

This was maybe 7-8 years ago. I remember it was summer. 

We met on Tinder. He was a nice looking brown-skin man. He said he was 30. He was in school for his Master's degree. He said he was CPD (Chicago Police). He went on to talk about being a homeowner, he had a townhouse in Bronzeville, he drove a nice car and how he was just looking for someone to add to his life. (I probably should have asked more questions, maybe connected on social media)

We talked for maybe a week (totally normal conversation) and then he made a plan (I like plans) he said let's meet at Lalo's for drinks and dinner and if it goes well we can see where the evening goes. (I should have suggested coffee, something lower key for a first outing)

I was excited. Now this was before facetime so I couldn't see him before the date only talk on the phone.

I took my time getting ready because this seemed like it was going to be a really great date. I had my hair done. Nails done. Legs shaved. Underwear matched. I wore heels. I was ready... (I should have known, whenever I am prepared it goes left, when I am caught off guard it goes great, maybe that's just me.)

I arrive at Lalos like 10-15 minutes early. The restaurant is packed because Lalos is popular, I even text him if he wanted to go somewhere else. He says no its fine just get a table and he will be there soon. I request a table, get a buzzer and proceed to the bar and get myself a margarita. I position myself to face the door so he will see me. About 10 minutes later, he calls and says he's looking for parking so he will be a few minutes late. I was like no worries my margarita will keep me company. 

He arrives and he looks just like his picture. I am so relieved. But something is off. He starts talking but its really delayed. I'm like is he drunk? High? Is he on the spectrum? He says OMG you look like your photos, my boys thought you were going to be catfish. I said I'm don't think I'm hot enough to be a catfish but thanks for the compliment. He laughs his delayed laugh. I'm concerned but we continue.

The buzzer buzzes. We proceed to the table. I let him walk in front of me. He trips over the stairs as we walk towards the booths in the back of the restaurant. Behind his back, I mouth HELP ME to the  waitress in our section. She winks.

We order, we don't need menus because its traditional Mexican food. I get a second margarita, he gets a first. I get enchiladas and he orders tacos. Margaritas come quickly. He gulps about half down...

Immediately he starts slurring his words. I'm curious how a man so big could get drunk so quickly so I start asking questions...

• Ummm are you okay? Yeah just a little drunk
• Oh are you a light weight? I mean you only had half? Nah not really...
• Did you start drinking before the date? Yeah, I drank before, i drank a lot before actually, I mean because I thought you were a catfish or fat and I was going to have to be drunk to get through this.
• I see. So fat is a deal breaker for you? I mean I don't like fat chicks.
• I see... so that must be difficult in your line of work. How is it being a cop? Oh yeah about that. I want to be a cop, that's why I'm going to school, I'm not a cop yet. I'm a security guard.
• So what are you getting your masters in that will help with that goal? Uh well, I mean eventually I'll get an MBA but right now I am getting a criminal justice degree
• Oh so you are in college and not getting your masters? Where do you go to school? I want to go to DePaul but right now I go to Kennedy King.
• Oh man that's quite a trek from Bronzeville, how long is that drive?  Oh I don't drive, well I mean I used to but my license suspended. So I mainly take the bus.
• But you said you were parking today, did you drive today? Oh that's because I was late on the bus and I didn't want you to know.
• Why were you late getting on the bus? because my mom was in the shower.
• You mom lives in your townhouse with you? Nah, I live with my mom but the basement is mine. 
• Oh so how do you like living in Bronzeville? oh yeah, I want to live there eventually but I stay in Englewood.

The food comes, and at this point I'm over this date. The waitress can see the look of panic in my eyes. She offers to wrap up half my food.  He places his wallet on the table and says don't worry boo I'm paying for this. 

He take a few more sips of his margarita and a few bites and leans back a little too far. He passes out. 

I motion for the waitress. She wraps up my entire order, and puts my margarita in a to-go cup. Since his wallet was on the table, we take out enough to pay the meal, and tip the waitress and I dip out. She says she won't tell him I left. 

I walk the block to Roosevelt and I am sitting on the bus stop contemplating life. (I don't drive and this is pre-uber) I remember the bus was 12 minutes away, and I was finishing up my margarita. I look up and he's running towards me. 

I guess he woke up and realized I was gone, he got his food and chased after me.

He's like you should kiss me. I'm like whelp I guess I'm not waiting for the bus. I start walking East on Roosevelt Road towards the trains.

He starts following me, yelling at me to kiss him. But he's drunk that he's zig zagging. I am speed walking over the bridge and he catches up to me, attempts to kiss me, I push him off and then starts to veer off into traffic. He stops himself at the curb, and then runs after me again. He catches up to me and tries hold my hand. I jerk my hand away and veers off into traffic again. He couldn't walk in a straight line and at this point I am speed walking up a hill.  I get about halfway over the Roosevelt bridge, when he yells at me to wait because he has to do something. Something tells me to look. I peer over my shoulder and this man unzips his pants in clear view of traffic. He whips out his dick stumbled to the edge of the bridge and stands on his tippy toes. He pees over the bridge while singing (I'm gonna kiss you). I take that moment to run. (I probably should have flagged down a car or crossed the street to the shopping center or ran in target)

I ran. I ran all the way over that bridge. I ran across the large intersection at Roosevelt and State. I swiped my card and got on the train. 

Fast-forward to last year...

I was on Facebook and at the bottom of the screen they have people you may know. I see a face that looks familiar. It was the him. He messages me and asks did we ever go to Lalos together because I looked familiar.

I hit block. 

Now 2021 Krysty would have walked out when he showed up drunk. Life is too short for nonsense. I would have gone to the bar around the corner laughed it off, and then caught a cab home. Or I would have went to the bathroom and stayed there until the waitress could get my coat, called someone to come get me. I wonder why I sat through the date, maybe I wanted to see just how bad it would get. It's in moments like these we learn who we truly are, and apparently I was ripe for the bullshit. I always used to think why do these happen to me, its because I used to allow them to. I get it, we live in scary times and I don't know what a man is capable of, but make the best decision that you can at that time. 

A few years later a random man followed me for 2-3 blocks, and I kept turning streets and he stayed behind me. I got to the corner and yelled at the top of lungs 

WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?!? LEAVE ME ALONE! 

People on the sidewalk stopped to help. The man felt stupid. He was like damn I just thought you were cute, and I was like so following me in and out of businesses for blocks is not how you get my attention. He crossed the street. 

You don't have to be nice and respectful in scary situations! Get out. Your safety is what is most important. Take the number if you have to, but cross the street, scream, and worry what people will think later, plus you don't owe them shit. What if he had grabbed me or assaulted me? This would be very different story versus a crazy memory. Don't be like young Krysty, cuss that man out sis, make a scene, and most importantly make it home safely.