Boundaries

You all have been very good with respecting my boundaries as of late and I thought I would give you a treat. Here are three stories of the most random dates I ever had... 

First up we have the Toothless Minion. Yes. You read that correctly

I will preface this by saying it was 2010 and it was my year of yes. I was trying to get out of my own way, so any invitation I received I accepted it. I will say, I had some fun, but I also got myself into quite a few precarious situations. 

It was dusk and I was walking down Lake Street in Chicago, just passing the expressway. A car pulls up and stops next to me. I couldn't really see his face. He was very nice and didn't ask for my number. He said would I like to go for coffee, I told him I was busy but maybe the next day. He said okay 5pm, the Starbucks on Halsted. I'll meet you there and I agree. 

The next day, I go to the Starbucks promptly at 5pm. I get myself a chai latte and I sit at a table and start reading a fashion magazine. I was zoned out so I didn't even realize an hour had passed. I look up, think oh well he isn't coming and start to pack up my things. 

Just then, a little person comes into the bar. I mean a legit little person like he was under 5 feet. he had on sunglasses and I think no? couldn't be? He flags me down. I am screaming internally. He motions me to a table where he sits down and proceeds to talk to me about how sexy I am, the whole time he is covering his mouth. 

I proceed to crack jokes because I want to see what he is hiding. He laughs and laughs, and finally I get a huge laugh and he cocks his head back. He had pulled up with the ceiling missing. The top row of teeth were MIA. 

At that point, I was done... done. I grab my purse and I go to leave the establishment. He then yells, hey cutey with the booty why don't we go back to your place and you can give me a massage. I run, down the street, he runs after me, I literally play Pac Man on the streets of the West Side for about an hour until I am sure I lost him and then I walk home...

Then there was The Little Train that couldn't.

The year was 2012. I was on Plenty of Fish and this guy was the 4th in 8 dates that I had lined up. We will go into all those other dates at a later date.

At the time I worked right by Union Station and turns out he worked security at Ogilvie Station which is two blocks away. We agree to meet one day after work.

His first words are "Oh WOW you look just like your photo". I'm like "yeah, who else would I be? I'm not hot enough to be a catfish!" He laughs. 

After a short chat, we make a plan for the next day to meet up around noon.

Noon comes and he texts me, asking if I was ready to meet. I asked him where did he want to get food at. He was surprised. Food? Why would we get food? I said well, it's lunch time, specifically it's my lunch time. He's like well I don't eat by the confines of time. So, then he says "Oh! You're one of those controlling bitches? You feel the need to tell me when to eat?" I reply "Um. Again it's lunchtime, I'm hungry and it might be weird if I am the only one eating, that's all I am implying." He then says "Oh! So you think I'm weird. Well, you know what forget this, I am glad I dodged a bullet, and hangs up on me."

I am still confused about that one.

Lastly there was Viaduct Timmy. 

For those unfamiliar, a viaduct is a long bridge-like structure, typically a series of arches, carrying a road or railroad across a valley or other low ground. Typically the street lowers under train tracks or an expressway, so as not to disturb the road/tracks above. This lowered area usually floods when it rains. Chicago has a lot of them. 

The year was 2013 I was in the Gold Coast in line at the 7-11. This guy was behind me. He was really cute and fit. We strike up a conversation. We tells me his bike is right outside and did I want to go for a ride.

It's a really nice bike, a Cannondale if I remember correctly. We talked about the quality of his bike.  Well, I perch my chunky ass up on the handle bars and we go for a ride by the lake and circle back to the 7-11. 

I explain to him that I am moving so it's nice to finally meet a cute guy in the neighborhood but I won't be here long as I was leaving tomorrow. All my furniture had already been moved to storage. He's cool about it and says "Well, let's get some food and enjoy the evening." We both order some food in my empty apartment and sit on the floor just eating, listening to music, and vibing. It's getting late and I explain that I will be sleeping on the floor/air mattress and says he was fine with it and even says that he's used to it. My ears perk up but I am too tired to acknowledge the comment then. 

We both crash on the carpet for few hours and wakes me up and asks if I want to go look at the stars. I'm groggy and it's late. I ask, "You want to just sit outside under the stars?" He's seems shocked my hesitance and replies, "I do it most night." I'm confused. So like do you work nights? No. Do you have insomnia? No. Do you have a place at night? Well. He says the world is his home and he "sleeps wherever the world leads me, tonight is here, tomorrow could be under a viaduct, the next day could be a hotel." He says "I just go with the flow." 

I realized in the moment he was a hobo-sexual. He was homeless using his good looks to just float from home to home or in his case viaduct to viaduct. Well, I bid Timmy adieu and let him pedal on his way to his next destination.

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I used to think I was unlucky in love and dating, (Don't get me wrong, it has yet to work out) but I think God had me go through these experiences so I could share them with you. You just have to laugh because who would meet a little person, a homeless person, and an I don't even know in the span of 2 years.

We will talk about a few more soon...