This all started when I was having a conversation with a friend about why I am single and what it would take for me to date again...
I said he would have to check all my boxes for me to date at this point because I was tired of getting it wrong.
I have gotten it wrong everytime.
Like all the times.
Every single time.
As I am becoming a phoenix that is rising from the ashes of my old life equipped with new boundaries and a new outlook. I realize that I need new people in my circle that match this new energy. Maybe these are people that used to be around me and are circling back for the right reasons. Like maybe my Mr. Right was in front of me but I never saw him. Or maybe, my new circle is in the new city, like I plan to move to soon enough. Who knows...
Back to the matter at hand; I want someone that checks all my boxes. Now my boxes aren’t anything crazy, nothing with looks, height, job title, car type, or home ownership status. I am not where I want to be yet, so how could I be critical of someone else’s life position, however there are some non-negotiables
Such as:
- Funny
- Intelligent
- Gainfully employed
- Non-smoker
- Lots of ambition
- Emotionally intelligent
- Not cheap
I mean I'm a Libra, and I have expensive taste.
I proceed to go in depth and list a bunch of qualities and attributes that I could see working for my lifestyle which I won't list here because I have attracted enough narcissists and liars who pretend to be what I want/ desire to last a lifetime. If you want to know, put in the work.
Weirdly, this new energy which has brought in the new, also brought back the old. When I say NUMEROUS exes have reached out to me this week, and I am not dealing with any of their shit. I think they can smell me moving on and had to give it the old college try yet again. Every conversation so far began with them either dating someone new or meeting Ms. Right Now, and how happy they are. When I replied good for them, and not that I wanted to hop on a flight to see them or steal their attention away again, it all ended in a FUCK YOU. One guy was an old fuck buddy who thinks insulting me will get a rise out of me and get me to do what he wants, that FAILED. One guy thinks my new found boundaries and ambitions are a personal attack on his character, and he cursed me out for not wanting him. One guy felt the need to rehash old arguments and, that FAILED because I frankly don't care anymore. One thought that if he told me about how much better his new woman was, that that would somehow make me jealous. That FAILED as well. All the attempts didn't make it very far, and mostly ended with then in their feelings and me being cursed out. I take it as par for the course. It's so much easier when they get rid of themselves and I don't have to do it.
I made the mistake of circling back and checking on old friends, as I mentioned in my last post, and that just brought me back to where I am not anymore. It was an excuse to visit with my old self, to see if where I am now is really where I should or want to be. Revisiting those old arguments and rehashing old fights is something I needed to see. Their missions were to bring me down, remind me of my old nature, to try to return me to the same old mistake-making Krystal. I realized after this last week, that I am just not that same woman anymore; and I don't need to be that person anymore. Those mistakes were there to teach me lessons, lessons that I don't need to learn again. Some people in your life don't want you to improve or do better, because they themselves aren't doing any better. They don't care about my current strides or status so to be frank, why should I give it FUCKING energy anymore. I saw a quote that said "It is not my responsibility to be a version of myself that I don't resonate with anymore just because these people were more comfortable with who I used to be." I don't have to take steps back in my growth or relive these messy moments I have obviously outgrown just to keep these unhealthy connections alive. SIS HAS BOUNDARIES NOW. I am prioritizing myself, my health, and my happiness, so get in where you fit in. If you want Krystal of Chicago, I'm sorry she has left the building, feel free to leave a message and I won't be getting back to you.
Back to the guy who I will maybe marry.
I have known him for a few years. We never dated, I haven't so much as touched him. However, he's still growing and learning and in his messy phase. If we both meet up a few years from now on the same page, I WILL JUMP ON IT! That is a promise. Currently, as it stands, I am not his momma and therefore I refuse to raise a man, no matter how much potential he has. Who knows, I might come across someone even better for me in the meantime. I made the mistake once to date on potential, and 5 years later I was heartbroken with a drained bank account. You can't raise a man in my K.Michelle voice.
I said on Facebook, that after this past week of angry exes, I didn't want to date anymore. After reflecting and reassessing, I lied. That isn't true, I was just hurt. Their words stung a bit but I realized it's not me they are angry with, it's themselves for how things went down. Because SIS is now dope yet again, and they want a piece.
In conclusion, exes haven't changed, old friends are still bitter, I met my husband and he isn't ready for me yet, and I have had a change of heart. I have decided to date again. I am open for business!
Only new business...
Don't bring me no old gossip, no old friends, no old jobs, no old boyfriends, or no bad news.
Please and thank you.
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