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And Just Like that...


 It's Time to Leave Arizona

Where does the time go? 

I told myself I would be writing more frequently about all things, life, love, and my pursuit of happiness. "It is always with the best intentions that the worst work is done." Oscar Wilde

I've been packing, moving is such work... and just like that my time here has come to an end. 

I've also been working non-stop and when I have free moments the thought of doing more work exhausts me so I have been still... little to no social media, posting or extra jobs.

In that quiet, I have gotten some clarity about what I want out of life.

I was talking to a few friends about knowing you are on the right path...

In my life, I have never fit in. People used to think it was on purpose. Like  I wanted to be perceived as different or I wanted to be a break from the norm but the truth is, I have never figured out how to do what was expected of me, no matter how hard I tried. How do you follow the right path when you don’t know which is right. I know my need to feel needed is a trauma response, I practically raised myself but I have this ingrained need to belong, to be a part of something, anything, and for the longest I have not achieved it.

I feel like that is partly why I had a hard time during the start of the pandemic. I don't notice that I was so alone when I always had somewhere to go. In that first quarantine, I spiraled hard. Not having a life path is so loud in the silence. I will say without the love of good friends, I wouldn’t be here.

I say all that to say Arizona owes me nothing. Chicago created me but Arizona raised me. It was in the stillness and beauty I finally found myself. I was given time. I was given a chance to find a path, a voice, and a love for myself I had lost. I’ve never been happier or more whole in my adult life. My heart is leading me East and I am following my heart to the unknown. Anyone who knows me knows I’ve always wanted to live East so I’m taking a chance and just going. I found a place via the internet, movers via word of mouth and when I say God made a way, every piece fell into place.. 

That’s not to say I don’t still battle my anxiety and depression, I mean the movers had me crying in the shower. You know how hard it is to pack up your life in 7 days while working... Be that as it may, I am leaving happy, whole, and with a great outlook for my next chapter. 

Bring on the East … 

The first picture is from my first week and the last is from this week. What do you think? Do you notice a change?




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